Autumn Refresh: A season of healing

 

Photo by Kerstin Wrba 

It’s been so gloomy in the NYC area this weekend and to be honest, I absolutely love it. It mirrors how I’ve been feeling lately. This weather is making me want to retreat and reflect on the person I’ve been and the person I’m becoming.

I took a break from pursuing most of my goals during the month of September. Because I wasn’t distracted by ambitions, I was forced to face my inner demons, despite me doing everything in my power to avoid my feelings and my dilemmas. And it’s kind of refreshing. I feel like I'm sooo close to breaking this unhealthy cycle of working myself to the bone and telling myself that I don’t have time to deal with my emotions. I was just pretending that I felt fine and I was silently letting anxiety run amuck, which you can guess just lead to an intense emotional burnout.

But that’s not the life I want for myself, and I feel strong enough to healthily raise my standards and stop letting my negative, anxious thoughts dictate my actions. I get one shot at this life. So I might as well enjoy the journey and accept that I still make a ton of mistakes and overwhelm is just a natural part of growing. This is going to be a beautiful season of growth and healing. Why? Because I say so. I'm in charge of my spiritual healing - and my spiritual health is drastically tied to my physical and financial health.

So this October is dedicated to healing. My 30-day goal is to ditch alcohol while I embrace and process my emotions as soon as they arise. I tend to ignore the guilt and shame that comes with disappointing myself, which I did a lot during September because I was too burned out to follow through with the goals I set for myself. And then those intense emotions fester and drain me until I feel like a shell version of myself.

But that’s ok! Instead of judging myself, I’m leading with curiosity. I’m creating the emotional and physical environment that will allow me to show up for myself and keep the promises I make to myself. Yeah, I have really high standards for my life and that’s not a bad thing… but I’m ready to forgive myself for not being where I thought I should be by now. I’m letting go of all my mistakes, for constantly procrastinating because it’s time to embrace myself with grace and self-love and trust that I’m on the right path and going at the right pace.

Photo by Daniel J. Schwarz 

Fall is my absolute favorite time of year, and I want to savor every moment of October and November. I’ll do so by releasing the past and all the expectations my younger self had for my 28-year-old self (ie. By now I should be a wealthy, perfect, married woman with an incredible career, a thriving side business, and a budding family). I’m embracing that healing is not linear and the reason I don’t have the life I want is because I’m still becoming the person I want to be. And that’s going to take time, which I’m still learning to be ok with.

I can face all the emotions and anxiety that arise in me while also finding joy in the simplest things this fall. I can heal and embrace happiness. I’ll just take it one day at a time and focus on the things that fuel me while letting go of the things, people, and activities that drain me.

Are you on a healing journey too? If so, I’d love to know what you’re focusing on this month to feel fulfilled and proud of yourself? Even the smallest things like meal prepping at home or not letting laundry pile up can hugely impact our ability to trust ourselves and feel whole. Baby steps are still steps in the right direction and I hope your fall is filled with prosperity, love, joy, and healing.

Shop my October wellness kit below. These are the items I’m leaning on this month to help me connect with myself again.