 |
| Photo by Anton Darius | @theSollers |
Happy Sunday my friends. I'm glad that we survived another week in the office. Life has been... interesting as of late. I don't know about you, but I'm going through a pretty big transitional phase. And this has been my first chill and therapeutic weekend in about a month. I truly needed it. Because I live in the NYC area, I'm constantly pressuring myself to experience as much as possible and go, go, go! For the past month, I ignored how important it is to slow the hell down. I hope you carve out some time this evening to do just that. I also hope this post encourages you to create a serene atmosphere in your home this evening while you dive into the links below. And if you're interested, scroll to the bottom of this post to read about my shit show of a life. I guarantee it will make you feel better about your own.
- Reading List - I don’t care that Black History Month is over - these are still great books to read 24/7 365
- Here are a few more books I'm planning to read this year.
- Love is a Battlefield - Watch this if you're trying to get over a guy (aka me this week), and watch this if you're ready to focus on yourself instead of desperately looking for love. Hey, we've all been there.
- Turn that Frown Upside Down - Three simple ways to turn a bad day around.
- Ladylike - I really want this posture correcting device after reading Grace's review! My posture is so freaking bad!
- Pretty Little Things - I'm really digging this jewelry line! I might buy one or two necklaces this month.
- Fashion Icon - I love these quotes from the late Karl Lagerfeld
- I Wanna Get Away- I need a staycation ASAP! I want to check out these places.
- I'm also intrigued by this IG account I recently found. Seems right up my alley.
- Cookbook - I want to try this turmeric latte recipe like now.
- Freelance Life - I want to check out all the places on this list this season! I love working from inspiring, cool coffee shops in the city.
- Captain Planet - I never thought about the micro waste that we produce from washing our clothes that are made out of synthetic material... I am buying this little product asap.
- Work Bitch - Some career advice from Grace, who I respect
- Meme Me - Loving this meme account my friend Melody introduced me to!
- Get That Money - I love Rickey and he speaks the TRUTH in this funny and inspiring video #chasebagsnotlove
Shit Show Chronicles - Part 1
Weekly Highs and Lows
Lows
So... I was quite far from my best this week/weekend. I have been borderline distraught for the past two weeks, so I did what all self-respecting adults do... I drank instead of dealing with my emotions. Ooops. I go through waves of wanting to embrace my emotions and wanting to run from them. Well, this week was a fine example of why I shouldn’t run from them. Not only did I put myself in physical danger by overdrinking, but I ignorantly threw myself at men who blatantly showed me that they do not value or respect me. Did I handle these situations with class and grace? You bet your sweet ass that I did not! I went into meltdown mode instead of Michelle Obama mode. At least we live and we learn right?
This was also the first weekend that I've spent alone in over a year. Since becoming single, I have purposely stayed busy. I was constantly out with friends and crashing at their places to avoid being alone. So Friday night, I challenged myself to go home after my dance class and stay in for the night. Surprisingly, I had an amazing night to myself filled with Chick-Fil-A, journaling and binge-watching Sex and the City. I fell asleep extremely early (because I'm apparently an old maid now) and woke up feeling refreshed and on top of the world.
Saturday night, I was not so lucky. This is when all of the self-deprecating thoughts came rushing into my mind. I fell into a little spiral and woke up a few times throughout the night, but I realize how much I needed time to be sad and process my emotions. I woke up in a negative headspace, but once I told myself "hey girl, this is just a temporary emotion and it will pass," I was able to move on with my day and have an amazing Sunday! I used to be in the place where I was terrified to be single again, but I'm soooo much happier than I was a few months ago because I know that I am strong enough to take care of myself now. Before, I was really bad at taking care of myself.
Weekly Highs
I learned 3 things about myself during this week's trials and tribulations...
1. I CANNOT DRINK if I’m severely upset about something, and this week I was irrationally devastated over a guy and my career. Now I realize that if I drink before dealing with my issues, I will make bad decisions... every single damn time. Add a lack of sleep and additional hormones from my period to that equation and you get two manic episodes in the course of 5 days, featuring yours truly. I'm happy to report that I'm no longer beating myself up about these episodes; I’m actually quite relieved that I came to this conclusion. This is something I’ll probably deal with for the rest of my life. I now see what happens when I bottle everything up inside and then add alcohol on top of it.
2. I also realize that there’s nothing wrong with being sad or upset from time to time. I’m so terrified of going back to the mental place I was in during 2015-2017, but I’ve significantly grown since then. I’ve made similar mistakes as that version of me, but I’m not bed-ridden over guilt or self-hate anymore. I totally contribute this new mental grit/strength to the therapy sessions I sought out during 2018. I also still want to prioritize therapy and figure out how to make it fit into my budget. Paying that hefty price sucks, but it’s critical for me to take care of my mindset in order to thrive. I thought I could do it alone and I can’t. I am fine admitting that now.
3. My recent breakup is affecting me more than I thought it would. I have not used the past three weeks to focus on my dreams; instead, I’ve turned to men, alcohol and partying as a distraction from what I actually want in life! Why? Because I’m terrified that I’m going to fucking fail. The ironic part about this fear is, I'm allowing it to control my actions. Therefore, I'm acting like an immature, psychotic shit show. I’m not ok with that. I’m better than that. So now it's time for me to clean up my act. And I'm fully confident that I am doing just that. Obviously, I'm going to still make mistakes, but I highly doubt I'll make the same ones again.
Thank you so much for spending part of your day reading this post. I hope my messiness hopes you feel less alone if you've felt like a mess lately too. Sending you so much love and joy! Until next time my friend.
Post a Comment