Photo by: John Parkinson

Oh boy, dating in 2019 is... exhausting. Or at least it can be if we set high expectations or just run into one too many disrespectful guys on dating apps. I know I've been freaking exhausted from dating apps for the past few months. I've constantly deleted and re-downloaded a few apps out of frustration or because the bland conversations just annoyed me. 

And I'm not going to lie; I've dealt with a ton of disappointment this year in my dating life. But I've finally reached a place where I have accepted that disappointment is a part of life.  And guess what, it's a part of life that will never kill us, so why have I been so terrified of it? 

I definitely go through cycles of not giving two f***s about dating and being irritated that I haven't met someone to build a meaningful life with yet. Sometimes this cycle happens all in the same day. Luckily, I have soooo many other exciting and challenging things to focus on in my life that dating isn't my top priority anymore. Although I will never give up on the idea of romantic love, I'm learning how to quickly bounce back from disappointment and to re-shift my focus to more important things within the hour every time I feel pessimistic about my dating life. 

But tbh, this was an EXTREMELY hard place to reach. Like real hard. I had to spend a lot of time working on my mindset in regards to how much effort to put into dating. I used to put a ton of effort in, but that is kind of wasted energy for me. But hey, old habits die hard. I know I'll have slip-ups, but I'm proud of myself for finally learning how to deprioritize dating and learning how to bounce back a lot faster from dating disappointments than I was able to just a few months ago. 

Its amazing how much progress we can make in a short amount of time if we cultivate the right mindset. 

If you're familiar with my more personal posts, you already know that dedicate a ton of time to self-growth and seeking out ways to help me overcome all the dating woes that kept me up at night in the past. I guess you could call all my failed dating experiences research. I don't know why it took me so long to intrinsically believe and understand the lessons below, but it did. Oh well. We all have our own process. Although I had to learn these lessons painfully (well there're studies to back up how adults learn lessons through pain, so maybe I can blame biology), but I'm glad I did experience them. I feel so durable now, and for that, I am eternally grateful. Here are some of the lessons I've learned over the past year - and luckily these lessons can apply to pretty much every area of your life, but especially apply to dating/relationships in the modern age of "swiping for love".


Lessons I've Learned In 2019

Photo by Henry & Co. Hi Guys, I hope you had a wonderful week! Here are a few interesting articles I found on the web this week. I hope you grab a cup of tea and enjoy diving into the links below this evening. And if you’re a GOT fan like me, let’s pray we don’t lose any of our favorite characters this episode… but let’s be honest, Game of Thrones has never cared about sparing our emotions lol.   Beauty Tricks - who knew that tequila had all of these beauty and health benefits!

• Save Our Planet - this was a really informative article about the fabrics our clothes are made out of, how they impact the earth, and what fabrics to shop for instead

• Dating in the City - I loved this article. Being single can be really rough in this day of social media. Most of my friends in NYC are in a relationship, and I’d be lying if I didn’t admit that I get jealous of them from time to time. And dating apps have personally led to a decent amount of disappointments. That” why I found these articles so helpful this week. I’m definitely adopting the mindset of “fuck yes, or no” from now on when it comes to dating.
• https://thestripe.com/reader-q-staying-positive-while-dating/
• https://thestripe.com/how-to-survive-the-grey-area-of-dating/
• https://thestripe.com/why-dating-should-be-messy/

• Mental Health Talk - This article is for all of my fellow women of color. Mental Health care is typically frowned upon in our communities. I know I was told to just “pray more” while growing up when I asked my parents if I could go to therapy… not the most helpful advice when tackling mental illnesses. Healthy mind = healthy life #blackgirlmagic

• Stay safe online: https://www.nytimes.com/2019/04/10/opinion/privacy-feminism.html

• Pay off those student loans fast!!! These are GREAT articles. I have student loans, and I am determined to be debt free before I turn 30!!!
• http://theeverygirl.com/how-i-paid-off-my-student-loans-fast/?utm_source=Website+Signup+List&utm_campaign=a3f8a5167e-Career+Edit+Vol+10&utm_medium=email&utm_term=0_b0b510c806-a3f8a5167e-40636901
• https://www.xonecole.com/4-lessons-i-learned-after-climbing-out-of-35000-debt/?rebelltitem=1#rebelltitem1

• Turn that frown upside down: How to turn around a bad day and what to do when things aren't going your way!

• My favorite open, honest and relatable people on Instagram
• Hayet Rida - I've been following her for years and her entertaining, honest and uplifting content - especially her IG Stories have helped me get through a lot! I have an entire powerpoint of screenshots of the advice and quotes she shares.
• A Cup of Charisma - I was watching her IG Stories at my desk at work and started crying. Her stories happened to hit a raw nerve with me that day, but I love that Jillian always shares her highs and lows. Plus, she's a huge advocate for mental wellness, just like Hayet.

• Love this podcast episode about anxiety in the age of social media!!! Make some tea and listen to this! It’s the best 20 minutes you will have all day long

• Friendship is Magic: Maintaining friendships as you get older

• Currently Craving: seashells! I want these earrings; maybe I'll buy them next week.

• Growing Pains- Apparently our 20s are supposed to be hard.
• I loved how raw and honest these posts below were. They touche on so many points that I really relate to. So far my 20s have been freaking hard (losing my dad, graduating college without a job, my brother being diagnosed with an insane disease and constantly being rushed to the hospital, moving to NYC and dealing with mice, bedbugs and evil landlords, money and career struggles, dating all the wrong men, learning to let go of relationships that no longer serve me, adjusting to being single again, battling and getting treated for depression- therapy is the freaking best, having a quarter-life crisis…this list could go on and on lol) but these experiences are making me tough as fuck. I hope these articles I’ve linked resonate as much with you as they did with me. We are all struggling with something and learning how to grow from it.
• https://www.lifewithemilyblog.com/2019/04/turning-29-what-i-want-to-do-in-the-last-year-of-my-20s.html
• http://oliviarink.com/advice-thoughts/growing-pains/

• Wanderlust: Uh, I have a huge travel bug right now and want to check out these colorful places.

• Live well: Ayurveda health tips.

Weekly Highs and Lows

This week was transformative; that’s the most positive word I could think of. Despite being terrified of a lot of different things (some in my control and some out of my control). This week was not amazing, and I’m ok admitting that. I’m learning to accept that life is ½ negative and ½ positive. I will have hard weeks; we all will. And that’s kind of a blessing because these shitty ass times make us so much stronger. I have a lot of changes to make in my life - and I’m excited about that. I want to take actions that move me closer to my goals, and going back to therapy this week was the first step in doing so. I am so grateful that I am able to afford therapy (right now I’m using Better Help, which is quite budget friendly). I’m grateful to have the guidance of a much wiser person who can help me reflect on the errors of my past. Now, I’m able to apply those lessons and create a happier future for myself. No matter what the future entails, we are all capable of figuring it out. Wishing you a lovely Sunday and Mother’s Day - make sure to do something extra special for your mom and for yourself this evening. Even if it’s just ordering your favorite food and watching something hilarious - after all, laughter is the best medicine and my favorite coping mechanism for growing during hard times.

Thank you so much for reading this. Your love and support mean the world to me.