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Life Inspiration
Weekend Agenda: 3 Things to do this weekend to reset
September 14, 2019
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| Photo by JOHN TOWNER |
So I have a confession. I used to be one of those people who felt hella anxious if I didn't have weekend plans when I first moved to NYC. I felt like such a loser if I didn't have a packed social schedule. Maybe it's because I went to a hyper-social college and was constantly surrounded by sorority sisters and friends. There was always something to do, but more importantly, there was always someone around to hang out with. Literally, always.
So the transition to post-college life was a little daunting. I was lucky enough to find an amazing crew a few weeks after moving to New York, but now that we are all hustling and grinding in our careers, building romantic relationships or moving to other cities, it's a lot harder to hang out. Aka, that means I have a lot more alone time. And it's taken me a while to appreciate this surplus of alone time. But now I realize how vital it is for me to spend time alone to recharge. Although I totally get a lot of energy from connecting with people, I also need a lot of time alone to reset and not feel drained.
It's funny how I used to be a hardcore extrovert in college. I could go, go,go! I was a freaking energizer bunny. I thrived from being around large groups and loud energy. But now that I work a full-time job, take dance and pole classes, work on my blog and want to accomplish like 50 other things this year, I find myself fucking exhausted at the end of each workday. And I don't like it.
I want to have the energy to come home and read for 30 minutes before bed. I want to have enough energy to wake up at 5:30 am, do a quick yoga routine and work on my blog for an hour before work. I want to have enough energy to paint my nails when I'm sitting on the couch catching up on my favorite shows. And I think I've finally figured out why I don't have as much energy as I'd like after work.
It's because I don't take time to recharge properly on the weekend. Although I LOVE hanging out with my friends in Manhattan and Brooklyn, spending all of my time in the city on the weekends isn't great for my wellbeing. I need time to myself to work on all of my goals and to do things that inspire me. So now, I kind of look forward to not having a lot of plans on the weekend. Don't get me wrong, I'm totally still a huge social butterfly, but I also need to be better about knowing when to say no to plans and just do me. So I'm sharing a shortlist of three things I'm doing this weekend to get my mind right and slow down.
My Weekend Reset Roadmap
1. Put together my vision/aspiration corkboard. This has been on my to-do list for so freaking long. I am really motivated by inspiring photos, patterns, and affirmational words. So having a constant visual reminder of why I'm working hard and eating "sh*t sandwiches" each week is a huge source of energy for me.
2. Cleaning my freaking room.... and keeping it clean all week long. I thrive when I am surrounded by a beautiful and clean atmosphere. But I've noticed that I'll clean my room one night of the week, and then it's a train wreck the next day. And it stays a train wreck for the rest of the week. Why does it stay messy and distracting? Because I'm always too tired at the end of the day to tidy up. This is a terrible habit I've recently developed and I hate it. So I'm changing it. And I'm going to hold myself accountable by dedicating just 10 minutes every morning and every evening to tidy up. I pre-set an alarm so I feel obligated to follow through, and if I don't, I'll feel guilty. Since I despise feeling guilty, I will be more inclined to follow through with this goal.
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| Photo by Julian Hochgesang
3. I'm going to spend a minimum of 30 minutes reading on my balcony with a glass of coffee or tea each day during the weekend. Depending on my schedule, I'll do this in the evening or in the morning. Now that it's cooling off a little bit, I'll be able to enjoy my outdoor space without sweating to death.
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| Photo by Ellieelien |
Food For Thought: A Note on Ambition
April 17, 2019
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| Photo By: John Parkinson III |
One of my favorite podcasts - the life coach school podcast - has an episode about ambition that really challenged the way I look at ambition and the reasons why I pursue the things I do. I get so much value from this podcast. Not because I want to become a life coach, but because it focuses on teaching the tools we need to cultivate our minds and control our thoughts and emotions. And since our emotions influence our actions, really this podcast is teaching us how to develop discipline so we can achieve our goals.
I’ve always been a pretty ambitious and driven person. I thrive when I’m in that state, but I never realized the key problematic factors that Brooke points out and anyone who’s ambitious should address.
There’s one question that she repeats during the podcast that made me stop and pause while on my commute to work, “why are you ambitious or why aren’t you ambitious?”
For me, the answer to this question has changed over the years. I used to be ambitious because I thought I had to be an overachiever in order to be valued and to be important. This was not a healthy attitude because I was driven by fear and the belief that I wasn't good enough unless I was achieving great things. And that’s not a sustainable driving factor. This fear led to burnout and depression: two things I’m still actively working to recover from.
And this lead to an interesting chapter in my life... the lack of ambition... because I stopped believing I was capable of getting what I wanted, so I avoided (and have recently been avoiding) taking massive action. This is a mindset I'm battling every day so I can get back to the version of me that follows through on my word to myself... for myself and myself alone.
But then there was this other point that Brooke made that completely disturbed my previous ideas about ambition, success, and achievement. She believes (and I now believe this too) that if you're ambitions because you think you’ll be happier once you achieve x y & z, you’re going to be disappointed. You might be coming from a place of lack instead of learning to be at peace in the moment - and we all know we aren’t promised another moment on this earth, so we should take advantage of the moments we do have.
Fuck... that’s exactly how I’ve lived my entire life!! By chasing external achievements, expecting to be happy when I make a certain salary, find the love of my life, live in that dream apartment/townhome, don’t have to stress about money, am completely debt-free, etc... If I work hard enough, all of these problems will disappear, and I’ll live happily ever after, right? Hahahaha wrong Nia.
Now don’t get me wrong, I will never give up on my dreams and desires. I’ve taken breaks from massively pursuing my goals, but I’ve never given up on them because when I’m growing and overcoming obstacles, that’s when I feel the most inspired, invigorated and fulfilled. Being ambitious is not the issue. Being ambitious because I want to contribute to the world and continue to grow into the person I want to be is a goal I’m very proud of. But when my ambition is driven by lack and fear (aka two things that have been trying to run my life for the past 3 years) and because I think that once I achieve that goal, I’ll finally be happy, that’s when my mental, spiritual and physical health starts to deteriorate. That’s when I start being cruel to myself and telling myself that I have to push harder in order to be worthy of success and love and happiness. But I am already worthy of those things. You are already worthy of those things too.
My main goal of the year was to grow my business, but now my main goal is to stop looking outside myself for fulfillment and a sense of purpose. My name literally means purpose afterall, and I believe our purpose is to focus on becoming the best version of ourselves, regardless of what other people think or say. I want to create a tiered business that serves others, but I want to do so from a place of love, contribution and peace, not from a place of fear, misery or selfishness. And I can’t do that until I heal my relationship with myself. This podcast is helping me do just that. It is a daily reminder that I should let go of shaming myself for not being ”perfect” and not being “good enough”.
This podcast is just one of the critical tools that’s helping me actually learn how to love myself. While I’m learning to love all parts of myself, I’m also learning to appreciate the discomfort that comes with growing into the best version of myself. And that’s a beautiful thing.
Thank you for letting me share my thoughts with you today. I hope you related to something in this post today and feel less alone/scared if you've been battling the same sense of scarcity and fear as I have. I’d love to hear what you’re trying to achieve, whether it’s career-oriented, health-oriented or romance-oriented, ambition can impact every area of our lives. But most importantly, I'd like to hear why you are pursuing that dream. Our job is to make sure that we are pursuing those ambitions for the right reasons. Thanks again for reading. Your support means the world to me. Be sure to leave a comment letting me know your thoughts about the podcast episode linked below! Until next time my friend.
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| Photo: Nia Washington |
We are blessed to ring in the new year and I’m so grateful that I have a source of income, a loving partner, loyal friends and to still have my mom and brother despite the rough year they both had with their health. I’m a firm believer in positive thinking, setting intentions and making moves to have the lives we want... but sometimes you might need a break from being positive. I know I’ve been in a very angry and frustrated place lately, so before I reflect on the lessons I learned in 2018 and figure out what steps I should take in 2019 to get closer to my goals, I’m writing a fuck it list. Why? Because I am taking more control in my life, fighting for what I want and letting go of the rest. So without further ado, here is a list of everything I’m saying “fuck that shit” to in 2019:
F*** being forced to do shit that I shouldn't be doing.
F*** overspending money on clothes and products I don’t need as a form of retail therapy.
F*** putting poor quality food in my body that leaves me feeling sluggish and disgusting.
F*** making excuses for skipping the gym.
F*** letting micro managers steal my joy and control my emotions.
F*** stressing out about my family’s health because I’m not Jesus, and no matter how much I agonize over it, my fear won’t magically make them better.
F*** ignoring my own health issues and avoiding the doctor.
F*** these panic attacks. I don't need to have my life picture perfect so why am I putting so much pressure on myself?
F*** being a little brat and not making extra money on the side of work.
F*** letting my job suck all of my energy away.
F*** binge drinking and feeling like crap the next day.
F*** beating myself up for giving myself a rest day.
F*** stressing out about the economy because the next recession will come when it comes.
F*** telling myself that I don’t have the skills to have the career of my dreams or a higher paying job.
F*** letting nasty peoples' energy consume me and drag me down with them.
F*** being disrespected by others - it’s time to take a self-Defense class (ps my boyfriend is the most respectful person I’ve ever met so this is a comment for all the men who catcall or curse us out after we reject them).
F*** living in a cluttered space with things I never use.
F*** being financially irresponsible so I can live with who I want and where I want.
F*** letting the annoying people in my life get the best of me.
Honestly, this list could go on and on but I know you don’t have all day. I feel so much better after shedding off the dark emotional layers I've been carrying recently. Now it’s your turn to make a fuck it list. Share at least 3 things you're letting go of in the new year. Think of this like a non-PC spiritual cleanse. You’ll feel soooooooooo much better once you do. Now let’s go forth and get to freaking work. Because we’re done being miserable. Not today Satan, not today.
Thanks so much for reading my message. I hope you feel as liberated after this exercise as I do. Until next time my friend.
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