Photo by Priscilla Du Preez

This might sound crazy (or maybe even basic bitch-esque, whatever idgaf), but after getting through all of 2020 and a long-ass, draining January (although we had a few wins - shoutout to Georgia voters and Biden/Harris in the House!!) without a significant other to lean on as an additional support system/intimate connection, I am in this mindset of saying "fuck it! I'm going to build that intimate relationship with myself! I'm going to treat myself like a queen." Embracing the whole self-love club movement that's been sweeping the internet for the past few years has always been somewhat challenging for me. I know that's terrible to admit, but as a natural perfectionist, loving myself when I fail to show up for myself has never been an easy task for me. 

But as I reflect on 2020, it becomes more and more apparent that enjoying the here and now is sooo soo sooo important. And yet, in a year where loneliness, isolation, depression, and the mundane wfh lifestyle have swept the globe, enjoying each day has truly become a hell of a lot harder to to achieve. That's why I'm embracing February, the designated month of love, to dating myself. 

Yep, that's right. I'm officially jumping on the bandwagon. The challenge is pretty simple tbh, each day, I just have to do one small, romantic, indulgent or decadent thing for myself to make my day. Anything that will put a smile on my face and remind me that I'm that bitch. A minimum of 28 things for 28 days. And of course, we are going to do this the frugal way. 

I have a running list of ideas that I'll keep adding to. That way, I'll have a constant bank of inspiration to lean on during the days that I feel burned-out out or just unfulfilled with life. The beauty of this list is that I keep reminding myself that even the smallest things can bring me the highest form of joy. Things like buying myself a beautiful bouquet of flowers from Trader Joes, treating myself to a cute new necklace from Anthropologie, sleeping in satin pjs, and exploring a new, chic cafe just to pick up a delicious dessert are all extremely simple and affordable ways to show me how much I appreciate myself. It takes a lot to show up for ourselves every single day, and we deserve to celebrate that win. 

And I already got a head start this year; I bought myself some beautiful, affordable lingerie and valentine's themed pjs. Then, just to take things up a notch, I found the cutest valentine's day decorative pillows for only $4! Like I said, the smallest things put the largest smile on my face. Here are a few of the things I purchased last week and things I have my eyes on for the next month or so. 

So cheers to a year of making ourselves smile and reaching a whole new level of intimacy with ourselves. I'd love to hear what you're doing to treat yourself this month! Leave a comment or shoot me a DM. It will be fun to keep each other accountable 

My Treat Yo' Self List 

Photo by Jen P.

Since I don't have a car here in the NYC area, I spend a ton of time walking. I know that might sound awful to a lot of people, but I honestly love it. Not only does walking everywhere keep me active and healthy, but it also gives me so much time to zone out and listen to my favorite podcasts. One of my favorite podcasts that I've mentioned multiple times is The Life Coach School Podcast. This is hands down the most revolutionary podcast I consistently listen to.  The creator, Brooke Castilo focuses on helping her audience cultivate the mental, spiritual and physical skills we need to create the lives we want.

A few weekends ago, I was feeling a little down about a few disappointing situations and was going to open a bottle of wine to avoid my feelings, but something told me to stop and to listen to another episode of TLCS podcast instead. The episode I ended up listening to was titled "Pain now or Later," and she talked about all the problems and distractions she introduced into her life to temporarily avoid pain, grief, fear and anxiety. She goes on to discuss how running away from that pain (by being super busy, overdrinking or overeating, aka what she describes as buffering) actually PROLONGED the pain... shit. It's quite comical because although I'm aware of how problematic buffering is, I certainly fall into the trap of avoiding pain all the time.

In 2019,  I avoided the pain of aggressively searching for a second job to have the level of income that I desire (I recently got promoted so things are a lot better on that end). I consistently try to avoid the pain that comes with letting go of romantic, platonic and professional relationships that no longer positively contribute to my life. And I still find myself trying to avoid the pain/fear that comes with removing all the distractions from my life (ie, spending too much time watching TV, staying up too late, oversleeping, overspending) that interfere with building this platform into a full-time business and achieving financial freedom. So you see, I have a lot to work on.

But then Brooke introduced two eye-opening concepts that restored my sense of hope.

Reality Check Number One 
Pain is guaranteed in life and the goal is not to have less pain in life... the goal is to become more comfortable with pain... Oh damn. My entire life, I have believed that if I work hard enough and show up to the best of my ability, I will eventually have less pain in my life. HAHAHAHA, jokes on me. The real goal is to accept that life is 50% pain and 50% amazing. That's not going to change. The only reason life sometimes feels like it's 75% pain and 25% fun is because I've been resisting and fighting pain/fear more often than is helpful. The more I embrace pain, fear and anxiety, the better I will get at processing it... and the less painful my experience will because I'm not prolonging the freaking process.

Like why the FUCK are we not taught this in high school or college? I have been practicing the exact opposite thing my entire life. And so has pretty much everyone I've ever known. Most of American culture is based on throwing distractions in our face so we spend money on things, food and alcohol instead of dealing with the real freaking problem at hand. SHOOK!!!

Reality Check Number One 
Pain can actually a good thing. It's not a problem that immediately needs to be solved. ... Wait, what? I have never thought about this concept in my life!! Pain isn't a problem? I can use pain to propel me closer to my dream life? Embracing the pain of sacrificing bottomless brunch to work on my content creator career is going to help me create the career of my dreams. Sitting with the pain of being alone on a Saturday night instead of getting drunk, blowing a ton of money, and maybe drunk texting that guy we should have blocked is actually going to help us get stronger and attract a guy of higher value. Accepting the pain of job hunting for 3 hours after work instead of watching Disney+ for 3 hours is going to help you find a job that doesn't drain you and meet financial goals faster.

I'm honestly kind of fucked-up from this episode. Like oh my goodness, why am I just learning all of this profound wisdom! I could have saved myself from so much prolonged suffering. I am so grateful to have learned this concept now so I can implement the practices Brooke lists in this episode. She essentially gives us a cheat sheet on how to make this transition and start processing pain at the moment instead of procrastinating, and now we can have an even more magical relationship with ourselves. I can't think of a more amazing gift to give ourselves this month.

I would really love to hear your thoughts about this podcast/blog post. I know it is a pretty foreign concept and can be a hard one to swallow. But in my opinion, this concept is a saving grace. The best way to get through hard chapters is to embrace them instead of running from them. And before you know it, we will all be this stronger version of ourselves that the old us wouldn't even recognize. That sounds incredible to me.

Thanks again for taking a moment to read this post! I wish you a week full of growth, strength and self-love. Until next time my friend!

Photos by: Adore Me, Element5 Digital, Heather Ford, Tirza van Dijk

Although I'm single, I love Valentine's Day. I think it is a great reminder to celebrate yourself and all of the people in your life that you cherish. I have a pretty feminine style, so I adore all the reds, pinks, little lacey things and the sense of pampering and luxury that is associated with the month. I also love the mass celebration of black history during the month. I find this month to be so inspiring and a nice way to ease into pursuing our dreams. Despite the dreary, cold weather that usually accompanies February, I still find this month to be dreamy, and a great time to practice gratitude.

Of course, all of the things I've listed above can and should be a part of my lifestyle all year round, but I find it is easier to keep these things top of mind during February. We live in such a fast-paced world, so it is incredibly easy to forget to make room for inspiration in our lives. In my opinion, inspiration is what makes life magical, so it is an essential ingredient to living a fulfilled life. I am excited to embrace the different moods of each season and seek out more muses each month. Life is too short to not make time for the things we love, no matter how simple or elaborate they might be.

And in an effort to celebrate this one life we are given, here is a small list of indulgences that bring me joy. I hope they do the same for you.

• Drinking tea while burning a candle - it's simple and free 
• Reading a magazine to wind down 
• Walking around a neighborhood with cobblestone streets - there is something so charming about them. It's great to do while catching up with a friend or while listening to a podcast
• Watching a thought-proving video, show or movie - Parasite is next on my list. 
• Putting on red lipstick and a cute outfit 
• Drinking a smoothie after a killer pilates class
• Wearing lingerie or silky PJs while lounging around - it honestly just makes me feel 1000xs more confident. I love Adore Me and Asos because they both offer a large selection of lingerie for women with fuller busts and at an affordable rate. P.S. - The links below are affiliate links. 

I have a love-hate relationship with valentine's day. Sometimes I love this holiday, and sometimes it makes me want to vomit or punch everyone who's in love (just being honest). This year, I'm taking a a positive approach to Valentine's Day. I'm all for it because I'm making it a day all about self-care and showing everyone in my life how much I love them.... without spending a ton of money. So I've put toghter a budget-friendly gift guide for this lovey-dovey day of the year. A mini gift to yourself is a great reminder that you are doing just swell. We might not be perfect, but we still deserve love,  and self-love is just as important as external love. No matter how you spend February 14th, I hope it's full of love and joy.