posts in Self-Care

Sunday Scaries: A Note on Self-Compassion and Enduring Pressure

April 3, 2022



Oh goodness, what a year it has been so far. I know I'm not the only one who has felt a lot of pressure this year so far. The pressure to reach a new level, heal from past demons and traumas, pressure to show up for myself in an extraordinary way, pressure to lose weight... the list goes on and on. But to sum it all up, the pressure comes down to expecting myself to have my sh*t together all at once, reach all my goals quickly and never disappoint myself. But that ain't how life works. I'm not perfect and neither are the people in my life. 

And that is what I need to constantly remind myself, that extending grace to others, and especially to myself is a skill that I am eager to master. I am starting to realize that consistently showing up for yourself can only be sustained once we learn how to forgive ourselves for showing up in the manner we wish. Quite a paradox, don't you think. The healthiest way to stop disappointing ourselves is to accept that we will disappoint ourselves from time to time and quickly enact self-forgiveness.

We are all just doing our best to figure it out. Every adult I know is dealing with intense external pressures... so why do we manage to add more pressure by beating ourselves up? And having crazy-high expectations for ourselves and for others isn't healthy or helpful. But that doesn't mean that abandoning our boundaries is ok either. That's the dance I'm trying to figure out: extending grace while also upholding boundaries and learning how to hold my own hand through hard chapters. I have NOT figured out how to do this yet, but I am taking small steps each and every day to slowly master this. So here are just a few ways I try to cut myself some slack when things get hard and heavy.



How I extend myself grace when I disappoint myself or just feel overwhelmed: 

1. I gravitate towards a mental health/ mindset podcast. One of my absolute favorites was Imani State of Mind. She no longer records, but I still go back to binge listen to her 38 episodes. Dr. Imani is a psychiatrist who candidly talked about all traumas we were collectively experiencing but she and her co-podcaster always managed to discuss these serious topics with a refreshing note of humor. I also love the School of Self Image Podcast. Whenever I listen to one of Tonya's mindset-focused episodes, I instantly feel lighter. She is ALL about extending ourselves grace. 

2. Journal and cry. There's no way around this. It's inevitable. I tend to bottle up a lot of emotions and then I implode and then I sink into a funk after imploding. And I hate this habit of mine. It's one I have to actively work against. It also got the best of me this weekend and that is because I have been avoiding a lot of my tense emotions. I was even using my alcohol cleanse as a shield from my emotions. Because I wasn't drinking, I was filling a lot of my time with what I thought were productivity activities. But in reality, I was keeping myself super busy and shoving all my fear, pain, guilt, anxiety, shame, anger, frustrations and overwhelm deep down and telling myself that everything was fine. Lol nah it wasn't. So once again, I was reminded that I need to journal and process my emotions. 

3. Do the bare minimum for a day or two. Ok, here me out, sometimes, when you are feeling really low and exhausted (for me that's always after a day of over-drinking and only a few hours of sleep lol Nia when will you learn?) you really need to accept that your best today is not going to be amazing. The only thing you can do is take it one task at a time and not freak out about the results of whatever you are working towards. 

4. Set a timer and clean for 15 minutes. Put on music and clean. You will feel better. You just will. 

5. I cook an easy, yet relatively, healthy meals and just focus on leisurely enjoying them. This is one of my favorite tricks because it makes me feel like I'm taking care of myself. So even if I don't get anything else on my to-do list done that day, at least I took care of my body and I saved money by cooking at home. 

Idk about you, but I certainly keep creating the same problems in my life over and over because I am still struggling to grant myself grace. I am learning that life will always put pressure on us, but the more grace we extend towards ourselves, the more pressure we can endure, and baby, diamonds are born out of pressure. We can totally do this. Wishing you all the love and a peaceful Sunday! 








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Sunday Scaries: A Note on Self-Compassion and Enduring Pressure

Happy 2022: A Year of Intention and Faith

January 2, 2022

 

Photo by Ellieelien 

And just like that, another year has come and gone. I am so grateful that my friends, family and myself made it through the year. Last year brought highs and lows for all of us. Last year, it felt like all I could do was survive. I ignored a lot of my problems and let fear guide my actions. And letting fear control me did NOT set me up for success. But for the first time ever, I had this week between Christmas and NYE off. Although I still logged on for a few tasks daily, instead of using this week to "get my life together" and set really high, overwhelming expectations for myself, I spent time mentally and physically resting, like a lot. 

And instead of running from the fear and pain, I embraced it. It wasn't fun in the midst; actually it really f*cking sucked, but I now feel so relieved. And best of all, by embracing my pain and fear, I also have a new sense of courage. Not because my fear and anxiety about the future magically disappeared. I'm still freaking terrified. I have a lot to focus on and a lot to build, but the courage comes from being scared and taking action anyway. showing up for myself, my friends, and my family anyway. Paving my own way in my career, love life and personal life based on my own rules and not what society tells me I should do. 


I'm curious and slowly getting excited for what this year will bring. Last year, I really struggled with maintaining faith in myself and the path of life I'm on. But now I'm ready to pour back into myself and my spirituality. This year my intention is to work on rebuilding my faith. Faith in myself, faith in my spiritual life, faith in my career path, and faith in the relationships I build with others. And a lesson that I've learned the hard way is that, in order for me to have faith in myself and in life, I have to stop biting off more than I can chew. I need to build without burning out. Slowly but surely, step by step, I'll build the positive mental mindset I need to create the life I want, and so will you. We can do this. Cheers to a year full of love, safety, and prosperity. Until next time my friend. 



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Happy 2022: A Year of Intention and Faith

Survival Guide: What to do when a shitty job gets even shittier

June 5, 2019

Photo by Arnel Hasanovic

We’ve all been there. In that horrible mental place where we feel stuck, angry, depleted, emotionally drained, and those awful feelings are budding from a very significant place in your life… your day job. You’re living paycheck to paycheck, your boss refuses to give you the raise or promotion you deserve, you work insane hours with very little reward or maybe your job is just painfully dull and your boss is a tyrant. Regardless of your situation, pretty much everyone who has a traditional job started off shoveling shit for a living (metaphorically speaking of course). Oh, if only our professors in college had prepared us for how bleak, unfair and soul-crushing the corporate world could be, maybe we’d beat ourselves up less for going through these growing pains.
But here’s the thing, these growing pains are kind of inevitable. And, you bet your sweet ass this sucks right now, but complaining about how awful corporate America is, how shitty the pay is, or how completely mind-numbing your job is will not get you any closer to living an inspired life. You know what will? Taking action my friend, that will get us all closer to our dream lives. That’s why I’ve rounded up my personal tips, tricks, and action plan to elevate your career and your life. But since I’m still in the early stages of my career development, I’ve also rounded up some incredible resources from people way smarter than me with more experience in this subject. I hope these articles and tips will help you feel motivated to take just one action to make tomorrow better than today.
And just a quick reminder, all of the advice listed below might not be a great fit for you. Just take what feels right and leave the rest. Unless we win the lottery, we are not going to magically prosper overnight. It’s going to be a process full of hard work, mistakes, tears and, for me, a ton of wine, but we will get there as long as we get back up every time we get off track. And isn’t that why we are all here? To encourage each other and help each other focus on curating beautiful lives - I certainly hope so.


The Problem: I want to be paid my worth
How to change it: So my first step would be to ask for a raise or a promotion (which should come with a raise). If that request gets denied, and you’ve worked your butt off and deserve one, it’s time to start looking for another job my friend. But I once heard that you never want to run away from a job because you might be running right into a worse work situation. So in order to avoid accepting a job offer in an act of desperation, look into picking up a side hustle. Having a higher income will allow us to see our current job and any potential new jobs with a healthier perspective. Now that you’re not moving on to a new job just to pay the bills, you are buying yourself time to find a job you will actually like… now that sounds like a dream. And don’t worry, I’ve included some links regarding how to stay sane at your day job while you’re job hunting.
P.S. We will go into job hunting skills in another post - tbd.

16 Ways to Make a Lot of Money Without Another Full-Time Job or Degree

How to Ask for a Promotion (and Actually Get It)

How To Survive A Job You Hate (But Can't Leave – Yet)
The Problem: I want a more challenging and fulfilling job
How to change it: So there are two main options here. One, come up with a list of tasks and projects you would like to take on at work, put them into a neat little presentation, and pitch them to your boss. I happen to have an amazing boss who LOVES to hear all of our new ideas when it comes to growth and development… if you’re not that lucky - it’s time to look for a new job.

How To Stay Sane At The Job You Hate – From Women Who’ve Been There
The Problem: I need to work in a less toxic work environment
How to change it: So you’ve talked to HR and they didn’t do shit. You’re already job hunting. You have a list of 20-30 companies that you would love to work for, but what can you do in the meantime? My friend, you need to find a mentor who’s been in your shoes. This can be an internal mentor or you can use Bumble Bizz or Linkedin to connect with someone. You need an ally, and you need an outsider's perspective to remind you that this is a freaking temporary situation.

11 Tips For Staying Sane in a Toxic Work Environment
The Problem: I feel lost and don’t know what the f**k I want to do with my life
How to change it: Reflection. Reflecting, reading, researching and trying new things is literally the only way you’ll figure out what you want to do. If you don’t like reflecting because you hate the emotions that come with it, you honestly just have to suck it up and accept that you might cry during this exercise. But that pain will move us forward, so it’s completely worth it. You can always have a glass of wine (or 2) while you reflect and write out everything that interests you.
Resources
Listen to this (5-minute watch w/ Marie Forleo): How do I figure out what I want
And this (8-minute watch w/ Marie Forleo): Feeling Lost
Ted Talk: Refusing to Settle - The Quarter Life Crisis - 16-minute watch
Book Recommendation - You’re Not Lost
The Problem: I f***ing hate corporate America and want to run my own business
How to change it: It. Is. Time. To, Moonlight. Quitting your job until your side-hustle replaces your current source of income is non-negotiable unless you have a trust fund or live with someone else who's paying the bills. And even then, it’s pretty risky to quit your job and be financially dependent on someone else. Do you really want someone else to be in control of your future? I sure as hell don’t, so the daily grind continues and you wake up at the crack of dawn to work on your business before you head into work. And you add a 3rd shift to your day after you get home from the office and the gym. And you make a lot of sacrifices. This is the stage I am in, and I might be in this stage for a while.
I know successful entrepreneurs who also have day jobs because it’s a constant source of income. Running your own business means you don’t always get a paycheck each month. Maybe you want to keep your day job for a few years and just cut back on the hours you work. But if that sounds like a death sentence, then start working harder and smarter than you’ve ever worked before. Action is the only way any of us will be able to grow our businesses enough to sustain our lifestyles. Trust me, I’m eating my words as I type them. I have to step my game up and start taking my own freaking advice.
On Mental Wellness
One thing I’ve learned the hard way is that our businesses and our careers cannot successfully thrive if we don’t take care of our mental and physical health. If we neglect ourselves for a season, we might be able to get away with it. But if we neglect ourselves for too long, we will burn out and breakdown. So go ahead and add self-care to your daily to-do list while pursuing goals. It’s a  necessity.
Podcast (28-minute listen) Why you aren’t taking action

A Little Inspo (57-minute listen) SDH 268: Corporate America to Six-Figure Entrepreneur in Less than 4 Months with Julie Ciardi

SDH 304: How to Create Self-Discipline and Drive Within Yourself with Amanda Boleyn

And here are a few resources to deal with feeling down while job hunting

Let me know what your game plan is to create a better life for yourself in the comments below. And if you have any tips you’d like to share, please do!! We all need as much help as we can get. Sending you all the love and prosperity in the world my friend. Cheers to a brighter career, because your current job is just a stepping stone on your way to success. Until next time.


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Survival Guide: What to do when a shitty job gets even shittier

Weekly Finds 3.28.18

March 28, 2018


This post went up a little late. I wanted to post it Saturday, but I kept holding myself back from publishing it. I felt like it wasn't good enough but now I'm home sick... trying to get some sleep and failing hardcaore at passing out thanks to #anxiety. So I figured I might as well get over my fear and post this bad boy right now. Regardless of the publication date, I hope this post brings you joy, laughter or inspires you to make a change this week. And if one of the links I share sparks a conversation, please feel free to leave a comment below. I’d love to hear your thoughts! Afterall, I created this blog to talk with (not to) you guys and share ideas with you guys. Lot’s of love!
Emotional Pickme Up: I don’t know about you guys, but seeing how children and teenagers have come together to make our country a safer place is incredible and inspiring. I will never underestimate children again. The generation growing up right now has access to more knowledge than ever before thanks to the internet, and these kids are driven. I am so confident that our country is going to be stronger than ever with these young leaders. Here’s Dr. Martin Luther King Jr.’s 11-year old daughter giving a speech at the March For Our Lives rally. I hope this sweet, smart young girl fills you with as much hope as she did for me.  Even if you don’t agree with her message, I think we can all agree that when the youth use their voices to fight against violence, it’s inspiring to see how much courage and passion they have.

Current Events: I’m sure you all saw the video of the young, black male who was executed in his grandparents' backyard. This is another tragic incident that shows how much our country still needs to heal. We are living in a crazy time and everyone is scared. I’m angry that two police officers were so quick to pull the trigger and end a 22 year olds life (even if he was stealing out of cars, he didn’t deserve to die), but I believe that this sad incident will lead to an enhanced training system for police that will help prevent more events like this from happening in the future.  
How to Help: If you do anything today, please take time to watch or listen to this video about fighting global poverty. Leila Janah is creating innovative and creative ways to eliminate poverty by valuing every human life and helping others land jobs instead of just donating money. There’s just so many groundbreaking ideas in this video. I hope you make time to watch it.

Love Actually: I loved this article about spring cleaning your relationship because I’ve never applied Spring Cleaning to anything other than my home.

Menu: I love learning what other people eat during the day to stay fit, and this fitness guru’s diet is amazing! She eats three of my favorite things: eggs, vegan mac n cheese and pasta. She also doesn’t believe in cutting out desserts from your life.

Currently Loving: I've been so obsessed with polka dots lately! I'll share some of my favorite, affordable polkadot finds here on the blog next week. Are there any spring trends you've been obsessed with lately? 
Wanderlust: Here are healthy ways to cure jetlag… I am sold.

More magical travel destinations to make you feel like you’re on another planet

Live Well: According to this article, you can burn a ton of calories through the act of “passive heating” while taking a bath… but the water has to be 104 degrees fahrenheit, so idk if I’m strong enough to handle that yet.
I gave up sweets for lent this year, so this article about cutting back on sugar is the lifesaver I need this week! I was beginning to crack.

Gotta Get My Mind Right: I feel like we all need to read this article about overcoming jealousy with social media constantly leading to major FOMO

Weekly Highs: My boyfriend moved into a really, really nice airbnb in Williamsburg while he waits for his new lease to begin in April or May. So naturally, I mooched and have been staying with him for majority of the week and am spending the weekend there for his birthday. Oddly, staying here has motivated me to work harder because I want to be able to afford a place like this in NYC before I’m 30. It’s been so incredible because I’m basically having a staycation. I’ve been needing a little retreat, and I’ve been needing it badly.


Weekly Lows: So… I did something stupid. I binge watched all 50+ episodes of Buzzfeed Unsolved Mysteries series. The series is sooooo good, but I’ve also been soooo paranoid because every episode dives into a real event. I’m talking murders, serial killers, haunted places and demonic sightings. I’ve been a little freaked out this entire week. But hey, what doesn’t kill us makes us stronger… see what I did there lol.

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Weekly Finds 3.28.18

February Mood Board

February 6, 2018




So far, 2018 has felt ... weird. I'm not exactly sure why, but I know I want to be more present than I was in January. I'll admit that I was in a daze in January, but I refuse to let life keep passing me by. I’m a little in shock that it’s already February. There’s a lot I should focus on this month. But honestly, I already need a mini vacation. So this month, I’m focusing on two things: celebrating any and every obstacle I overcome (no matter how small it is) and checking my judgmental attitude at the front door. I want to judge myself and others waaaayyy less than I do. Should I eat cleaner and stop binge-watching Netflix shows after a long day of work? Yep, but like I said, I really need a vacation and self-forgiveness for my slip-ups. That's why I’m channeling flow and ease this month. I'm still going to push myself to keep moving towards my goals, but I'm finally accepting that my timeline might not be the same as God's timeline. Great things take time, and we are allowed to take pit stops on our journey towards our dreams. Less stress and more fun! That sounds like a much better life than stress, stress, stress and a little bit of fun every now and then. It's all just a balancing act, and once we find the right balance between work and play, we'll feel more aligned and have more energy to get the important things done. It just takes time to figure it out. Afterall "perseverance is a great substitute for talent" - Steve Martin 

So now I want to hear from you! What are you guys focusing on this month? No matter what goals you set for yourself, I know you'll create the magical life you want. You know you deserve it. And I can't thank you enough for taking time out of your day to read this little note from me. Wishing you a day full of flow, ease and happiness! Until next time. 


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February Mood Board

Valentine's Day Gift Guide: 8 small gifts you deserve to have today!

January 30, 2018




I have a love-hate relationship with valentine's day. Sometimes I love this holiday, and sometimes it makes me want to vomit or punch everyone who's in love (just being honest). This year, I'm taking a a positive approach to Valentine's Day. I'm all for it because I'm making it a day all about self-care and showing everyone in my life how much I love them.... without spending a ton of money. So I've put toghter a budget-friendly gift guide for this lovey-dovey day of the year. A mini gift to yourself is a great reminder that you are doing just swell. We might not be perfect, but we still deserve love,  and self-love is just as important as external love. No matter how you spend February 14th, I hope it's full of love and joy.

Shop the gift guide below! This section contains affiliate links, so thank you for 
reading and supporting my blog! 








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Valentine's Day Gift Guide: 8 small gifts you deserve to have today!

Weekly Update 01.20.18

January 20, 2018

great sales, stand up for a cause, travel, wellness, money tips, fitness, food




Wanderlust: Need a mini-retreat? I know I do, and these top liked Airbnbs around the world (a lot are right here in the USA) have me checking flight prices.

I also found this article about 5 under-the-radar french cities to visit… I need to go to all of them this year! It’s happening because I said so.

And if you’re looking to check more festivals off your list this year, here are 11 amazing festivals around the world that we should all start saving for.


Smart Money tip of the week (Because you’re too good to be a broke bitch): It's Not Just HQ Trivia: These 10 Apps Will Legit Make You Money - Girlboss.com Multiple streams of income are always better than one honey.

Get fit: Everything you need to know about an anti-inflammatory diet.

Shop til you drop: Spotlight sale of the week: Stuart Weitzman is offering up to 50% off until 1/31, so if you want an investment piece of designer, quality over the knee boots, now’s your chance to get them at a fraction of the price!


And here are some of my favorite budget finds from the week featuring Stuart Weitzman and Shein (an amazing wholesale site) just in time for Valentine’s Day. I love this website, but you have to read every single item’s measurements and reviews because the sizes really vary. If you don’t know your measurements, grab a tape measure from your kitchen so you can know your accurate size. Oh, and this section includes affiliate links.





Live Well: Here’s a cute and helpful infographic breaking down easy ways for us to take care of ourselves. The ABCs to self-care.  

Menu: I heard about Snow Days NYC one day at work this week. Honestly, I don’t care that it’s winter; I need to try this dessert place ASAP!

What the world needs is love: It’s no secret that our world has some pretty f*ed up people in it, but here are two legitimate ways to contribute to making the world a better place today.
  • Help the children. There is a disgusting and heart-breaking epidemic going on in Pakistan right now. If you haven’t heard about the protests in Pakistan to take down a pedophile ring that’s been abusing and killing little children, you can read about it here. I haven't found a site explaining exactly how to help, but we can at least spread awareness and align ourselves with organizations that fight to end human trafficking. #
  • Help Rohingya Refugees in Myanmar and Bangladesh who have gone through actual hell. Read more about the crisis here.

Weekly Wins
1.) This week was my bday! I’m now 24; and oddly, I feel more secure. 23 was a mother effing rough ass year, and 24 already feels calmer. There’s something about even numbered years. Things just seem to fall into place. Plus, I feel more grateful for everything nowadays. My constant “don’t listen to the negative voice inside my head” exercises are finally paying off.  Plus, my birthday is the perfect excuse to treat myself to a few things off my monthly luxe list..aka wish list. Check it out here.


2. ) Riverdale came back. Y’all, my roommate and I are obsessed with this show, and I’m not ashamed to admit it. Also, I get so much fashion inspiration from Riverdale. That’s a key factor for me becoming obsessed with a show.


3. I got back in my gym flow. I didn’t make it to all of my classes, but I made it to 3, which is a lot better than zero. And I went to power yoga, which completely whipped my butt. I was limping all day at work, but at least I know I’m one step closer to my fitness goals.


Weekly Ls
1.)Not waking up early. I’ve been trying to wake up around 6am every morning, but it just did not happen this week. I’m getting myself used to a morning routine so I have time to meditate, spend some time surfing the internet, work on my blog and take my time while getting ready for work. Next week, I’m committing to going to bed between 10:30 and 11pm. I know next week is my week to master this.

2.)Blowing my budget. Since it was my birthday week, so I gave myself permission to blow the weekly budget and eat out way more than I should have. Now I'm ready to get back on my meal prepping game and save some precious deniero.

3.)The House of Horrors in California. If you haven’t heard, 13 siblings were held captive and tortured by their parents. It’s a blessing that one of the siblings escaped and now all 13 siblings are receiving medical and psychiatric help. But damn! This family has been through hell. These siblings will never have normal lives, no matter how much professional help they receive. Here is an article breaking down how we can help them. If you guys have found other, legitimate sites that allow us to donate to this family, please link them below in the comments. It’s going to take a lot of financial resources to help them establish a healthy lifestyle, and they deserve it after everything they've experienced.


Quote: “Nothing new can come into your life until you are grateful for what you already have” - Guest on an old episode of The Oprah Winfrey Show

As always, thanks for taking a part of your day to read this. I hope you found some useful information, and if there's a new category that you want me to add to my weekly update/finds, let me know in the comments! I hope you have a lovely weekend! Lots of love my dears!



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Weekly Update 01.20.18
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