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spring cleaning
Mental Spring Cleaning
April 16, 2021
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| Bianka Csenki |
- Overspending/ignoring my budget - like Nia STOOPPPP IT!!!
- Wasting each weekend away by drinking and over socializing instead of focusing on my dreams. I want a healthy balance of socializing and having fun while also setting aside time to focus on my goals
- Smoking weed or drinking instead of dealing with my problems. Weed is legal here, so in moderation, it's great! But when I use it to avoid my emotions... then it becomes an issue.
- Emotionally eating... yeah, this has always been an issue for me, but it really ramped up during covid.
- Procrastinating on my dreams. This is the worst bad habit of them all because it is the catalyst that leads me to all the other terrible habits I turn to in order to distract myself from feeling disappointed in myself... lol, oops.
- Giving guys who don’t act like gentlemen or are just not good fits for me a second chance. As each day passes, the more appealing it sounds to just start a family on my own in 5 to 7 years and just avoid the dating drama. And if I get a puppy, then I won't feel lonely.
- Staying up past my bedtime on weeknights! I know that staying up late is like a domino effect for disaster. Because then I wake up late, destroy my room looking for everything in a frenzy and skip my morning routine. Then I spend money on unhealthy food because I don't have enough time to make food before running to the office (I go into the office 2/3 of the week) and maybe skip the gym if I'm too tired after work. Yeah... I need to break the cycle.
So I sat down and made a list of the things I need to prioritize weekly in order to feel at peace. But unlike in the past where I create these unrealistic expectations for myself and then feel disappointed with myself when I don’t meet them, I’m making a rule for myself that I only have to do one thing a day to move in the right direction. Just one!!
And then once I am in a space where I have more energy and more self-trust, I can kick things up a notch. But for now, slow and steady is the only way I’m going to win my race. Fuck everyone else on social media. Fuck comparing our journeys, our timelines, our milestones to theirs. We don’t know what’s going on behind the scenes and tbh, focusing on them is just distracting us from focusing on our own fabulous lives!
I love creating little brain dumps of things that bring me joy and that keep me on track to becoming the woman I know I can be (aka a woman with healthy habits). These are the things that I need to do each week in order to feel proud of myself:
- Dance class (by far one of my favorites!)
- ⁃Cardio workout class like Pilates, Ass & Abs or a HITT class
- Biweekly photoshoots (plan shoot one week and create content the next week)
- One blog post a week. I miss proving to myself that I can be consistent with something that brings me so much joy and moves my career in the right direction.
- BUDGET!! It’s time to be an adult and say no to overspending and yes to focusing on my financial freedom journey.
- Weekly bedroom clean-up; the messy chaos I’ve been living in does not breed a tranquil environment.
- Weekly meal prep - this is imperative for my fitness journey and my financial wellbeing.
- Daily morning and bedtime guided meditations/short inspiration sessions through sanity and self. I actually can’t fall asleep without this app. It helps me ward off my nightly anxiety spirals about being poor, homeless, or single for the rest of my life (lol anxiety is a hoot, isn’t it).
We will experience so many chapters in life, and not all of them are comfortable. But that’s just a sign that we are on the path to greatest and growing... because growth in itself is uncomfortable. We are being pulled to a higher level each time that pit in our stomach tells us to run towards that thing that terrifies but also energizes us. Our new sense of self is right around the corner. I can’t wait to step into the version of myself that smiles every time I look in the mirror... in fact, I think today is that day. Yesterday I was 100% ready to smash my mirror because I didn't like what I saw, and I don't like treating myself that way. I'm done with the self-mistreatment Loving ourselves the right way is a full-time job, but it’s the most important job we will ever have.
What’s on your mental spring cleaning list this season? Sending you all the love and self-care in the world today. Welcome to our new season of loving ourselves to the fullest. We're in this together.
A Note on Expectations
April 18, 2018
April has definitely felt like a month of cleansing. Not only have I been spring cleaning my bedroom in small sections, but I started going to therapy this month. You know that saying “April showers bring May flowers”? Well, I’ve been experiencing a lot of emotional showers this month. I’ve cried the entire time during my therapy sessions. At first, I was pretty ashamed about this and felt weak because I couldn’t control my emotions… but after talking to my counselor and a close friend, they helped me realize two things…
- I shouldn’t be ashamed of crying because it means I have a lot of passion for things in my life.
- I put a shit ton of expectations on myself and on the people in my life.
So for the rest of spring, I want to do an experiment. I’m going to stop putting expectations on myself to perform a certain way. I’ve literally NEVER done this before. Mainly, I want to see if I can still perform well without adding the psychological drama that my world will fall apart if I don’t put that pressure on myself. Can you guys relate? We millennials get a bad wrap, but I think our generation puts a lot of pressure on ourselves. I push myself a lot, you push yourself a lot. I’m pretty exhausted from it, and I bet you are too.
Between expecting myself to excel in…
- My PR career
- My blogging career
- My fitness goals
- My fashion and beauty standards
- My pole dancing class
- My social status
- My financial status
- My romance life
- honestly, the list just continues
I realized that even though I told myself that I didn’t need to be a perfectionist, my mindset and insane anxieties are the actions and reactions of a perfectionist. I’ve just been in denial about it, and it took some therapy sessions for me to realize it. So I have A LOT of work to do in order to let go of the pressure I put on myself. And I don’t know if I’ll ever be able to let go of the desire to be perfect entirely. But I have to try.
My expectations have been making me miserable! So I’m going to liberate myself and stop judging myself for not being perfect and not living up to my expectations right now. I hope you take on this challenge too. You and I will get there eventually. And now for the hard part... putting these words and plans into action. It’s probably going to be waaaaayyy harder than we think, after all, old habits die hard. But together, I know you and I can figure out how to let go of our extreme expectations and let excellence follow us naturally.
Thanks for reading, and I'm wishing you lots of love and serenity.
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